Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Make-Up, the evil plot to exploit women and separate us from our money

I know! Outrageous and inflammatory title huh? But seriously! I have discovered a secret and nefarious conspiracy to separate me from my Filofax funding money, and make me damned uncomfortable in the process! It has been carefully crafted through the years by the same villainous bastards who invented the corset (le gasp), high heels,  and the brassiere. (Ok, I actually need the bra to keep me from knocking into stuff, but I still hate wearing it!)

So here's how I discovered this vile plot:  I wore make-up yesterday, not because I wanted to, because--let's be brutally honest here--why would I want to? Ever? So why did I do it? To please others. Yep. *hanging head in shame* You see, I wanted to post a couple of videos to YouTube, and since make up does actually make me look marginally presentable, I figured it would be a good idea to put some on so that I wouldn't scare the crap out of would look better on video for my viewers; you know, all 2 of 'em.  Here's the problem: Today, my eyes hurt like hell and they are watering prolifically, making it difficult and painful to see. (I've grown fond of seeing, so this is really problematic for me) Now, I am not allergic to any of the makeup I currently use or anything, it's just that when I wear it, my skin and my eyes feel like crap, and the next day? Les Miserables x 10! So why in the holy hell do I do this to myself? You would think I'd be old enough (WAY old enough *sniff sniff*) to bloody know better!


One of the brilliant things about turning 40, (and soon, too soon, 41) is that I care less and less about what other people think about me. Not that I don't enjoy a well-placed compliment, or kudos where they are due, I just quit caring so much about trying to please other people. There are a certain amount of people in this life who are gonna like you, and a whole whack of people who don't, and an even bigger whack of people who simply don't give a damn. Plus, I'd really rather be judged based on my "actual value" rather than my "perceived value". Now, this may be the reason (or just one of a gazillion) that I am still single, but that doesn't bother me like it did when I was young either. (Although, upon further reflection, maybe it's because I forget shit at a much more rapid rate than I did when I was younger. I don't know, I forget...)

Now, what was my point? Oh yeah! An evil, must wear makeup to appear in public, brassiere inventing, high heel promoting, torture yourself to please other people, pernicious plot to overthrow a woman's true inner beauty, and exchange it for pseudo-beauty at any physical cost. (When you eat into my Filofax budget buddy, AND make me feel like crap in the process, you're on thin ice)

I could try to blame it on men--because it's so fantasmically easy to blame stuff on them--but really? I don't even think that they give a rats rear about all that stuff, to be honest.  Face it, they either want to see a woman nekked, or they want a sandwich--and they're not the ones buying the fashion magazines. It's WOMEN!! So make-up can kiss my huge butt, I'm not wearing it any more. And ladies, if you don't like me because of that, I'll miss you!

There! You can bow down to me in undying devotion thank me in the comment section for unveiling this dastardly plot and sharing it with you so that you no longer have to be enslaved if you don't wish to be. You're welcome, I love you, and you look beautiful without make up, because clean skin is dead sexy!!


  1. So much to say...such a little box to say it!

    1. KUDOS! Yes, yes, yes! I agree our society should focus on inner beauty (and sheer, gratuitous talent), and that men are not the ones behind this one. Most men I have come across actually seem to prefer female faces au natural. Along with the other bits.

    2. Nothing, I repeat NOTHING should come between a woman and her Filofax money. Interfere lest ye die, I say.

    3. This is the part where you hate me - I'm ready - but have you tried Bare Minerals? 'Cause I hate make up too but this stuff kind of rocks. I have the most sensitive everything on the planet and my skin loves it. You know, for your next film shoot maybe.

    4. You now have 3 viewers...

  2. 1. Thanks! au natural=sexy
    3. Have not tried Bare Minerals yet. May give it a go though. Thanks for the recommend!
    4. YAY 4 viewers! *hands together bowing* Thanks!!

  3. i have to say (ps - i've been/am drinking) i don't really wear make up but i love lipstick. sometimes i wear eyeliner and mascara but i've always worn lipstick. way back when i was in grad school and used to weld, lipstick was the only thing that saved me from feeling like a yucky gross disgusting metal dust wearing stink wad. as long as i had that mac xtreme, i felt beautiful. dirty, stinky and beautiful. now i wear urban decay apacolypse. i just love the names of this shit. the urban decay line has really nice packaging and have this handy dandy sword attached to the lid of the lipstick case. heh heh. you know, in case you need to fill that extra space in your purse or something. but yeah, i love women who wear little or no makeup. i think that's hot

  4. I love this post! I admit that I do wear varying amounts of make up depending on the day, but it is always because of how I FEEL, not what I want others to feel when looking at me!

    And Rori + Zoe, you are both so right about men and makeup- they could care less! In fact, if I put on more than a minuscule amount, my bf complains that it is too much. Why on earth do we torture ourselves!

    And finally, Snarling- your ps totally cracked me up! Kudos for the excellent drunken typing skills!

  5. @SNARLing I love lipstick too! I'm not pretty enough to wear it by itself though. You have some mad skillz when drinking :D I'd have really arsed things up...I like Urban Decay..I have a couple of their 24/7 liners.
    @J Glad you liked it! Thanks for being here.

  6. Loved this post, Rori!

    When I go to work (AKA every darn day), I think my colleagues should be ecstatic that I'm (1) covered (preferably with clothes), and (2) clean. Anything beyond this should not be a metric for my success.

    I really don't have anything against makeup at all; I've just never gotten into the habit of wearing it. I've even tried such "foolproof" brands like Bare Minerals, but I end up looking like the the south end of a north-bound mule. This is not a good look for me.

    Rant on, everyone!

  7. @Robin First, welcome! Thanks for being here!!
    Second, HILARIOUS comment. I agree about the clean and covered! I always smell good (well, in the morning any way ;)) so makeup is just fluff any way.
    I expect the south end of the northbound mule look isn't so special...LOL!!

  8. You could blame it on men if you like, I mean, women's problems: menstruation (and menstrual cramps), menopause, gynaecologist (say this out loud, you'll hear the word 'guy')... all those words have the word men in or in the case of the last one: guy! (I once got that in an amusing spam email from a friend, one of the funnier ones I must admit).

    But I do agree with you on the make up front. I have to confess I am somewhat of a lipstick junkie but I wear it for myself rather than to catch the eye of males around university. And it does seem that women are willing to spend a LOT on make up products, and proof of this being make up by designer brands such as Chanel (though their lipsticks are divine...dilemma).

  9. @angela:
    Welcome, thanks for commenting!
    Funny! I love having someone to blame...
    I've only work makeup twice since this post, once for pictures. hahaha